Work-Life Balance — Is It Possible?
Some people say that work-life balance isn’t possible. Some say it is.
Even though we refer to that tug of war between our professional and personal lives as “work-life,” with the emphasis on “work” first, in order to find—or to restore—balance between the two we need to start to prioritize our lives at home before our lives at work. We need to find ourselves again—or maybe for the first time—outside of how our job defines us.
For many of us, we have had it all mixed up. We have prioritized our professional responsibilities for so long--staying late to finish one project after another, answering emails after the kids have gone to bed—that our personal lives have begun to suffer. Some of us have lost all sense of a balance between the two and others have been desperately searching for balance for a very long time.
You may personally feel like you are on a never-ending journey to balance out the expectations of both your professional responsibilities and your life outside of the work day. You aren’t alone. COVID-19 caused many individuals to work from home which increased the number of hours people worked on a daily basis. But more recently, individuals have realized the necessity for positive working conditions and being able to enjoy life at the same time (Morgan, 2023).
I remember the first time I realized I had lost a sense of my “personal” life. I was a new college graduate a few months into my career. Every weekday, I commuted from the city of Chicago to an affluent suburb to my very first teaching job. I pulled into the parking lot, parked in the same spot I had “claimed” as mine day-after-day, and thought to myself, ‘So this is it. I wake up, drive to work, teach, drive home, eat dinner, work more, go to bed, and repeat.’ I sat in the car for a few minutes letting the realization sink it. I was an adult. And my adult life felt like it was ruled by my profession.
When was the first time you had that realization? Did you even have it? Or did you just wake up one day realizing that it has been months, years, or decades since you had a sense of balance between your personal life and your career?
I have single friends in their 40s tell me that somehow the last 20 years blew by and because they poured into building their career, they lost track of time and are now craving a partner and family. They committed their life to their work kicking ass year after year, only to now realize what they have been missing.
Many of my married friends with dual career households share a similar sentiment: the years have flown by, their children are growing up, and they can never find a good balance between home life and work demands. They don’t feel good about their priorities. They realize that time is fleeting. They don’t want to wait until they retire to finally find balance. They want to control how they spend their time versus their professional responsibilities controlling them.
I recently had the pleasure of talking with a gentleman in his 70s. When I asked him if he had been married or had children, he told me, “I suppose my job left little time to find a partner or have a family.”
Individuals of all ages search for a better way to navigate their responsibilities during the day so that they can feel fulfilled, accomplish tasks in different environments, and hit personal goals. Those goals may include finally finding the right life-partner, enjoying long-lost hobbies or discovering new ones, or having undistracted time with their children in the evenings.
In many stages of my life, I found my work-life balance completely off and needed to take time to find it. I am here to tell you that there is a way to navigate all the responsibilities you have in your life. The separation between home and work may seem out of reach, but it is the key to living a balanced lifestyle.
In my own journey, I have found that it takes getting clear about what you want, creating intentions in your different environments, and taking action toward the goals you have for your life.
First things first: determine what you want out of your time at home and time at work. Distinguish what that looks like for you and write down your ideas.
When you are at home, what do you want your life to look like, feel like? What activities do you want to partake in? Who do you want to spend time with?
What boundaries might you have to put in place so that you don’t work--or think about work-- in order to truly enjoy time doing things that you love, spending time with people you care about, and taking care of yourself?
Is there anything preventing you from having a separation of work-home life right now? What can you do to overcome those obstacles? (Example: My phone, email, and apps I use for work can be a big distraction outside of my “work hours.” I leave my phone in a different room, I don’t check my email or apps after a certain time of the night, or I set locks on my phone so I can’t access them between certain hours of the day.)
When you are at work, what can you do to focus on all the tasks you need to complete during the day so that at the end of the day you feel comfortable “shutting things down”?
What boundaries might you have to put in place at work so that you can work effectively on the tasks you have each day without distraction?
Next: think about intentions you can set when you are at home and at work so that you can actually achieve the separation and balance that you want. Your intentions can include boundaries you put in place so that you remain focused on the environment in which you are in, the people who are in it, and how you spend your time there.
When you are at home, what intentions do you have for how you spend your time? What are things you want to get done? Who do you want to connect with? What goals do you have for the time you are at home in the mornings and evenings during the work-week? What goals do you have for how you spend time on the weekends?
What you are at work, what intentions do you have for how you spend your time? How can you focus on all of your responsibilities so that you can accomplish the tasks at hand?
What boundaries might you have to put in place at home and at work so that you can actually accomplish your intentions?
Finally: you have to take action. Do the things you say you are going to do. Commit to making one or two small changes over time. For example, leave your phone in a different room so you can spend time playing with your kids without the distraction of work emails. Put dates on the calendar to connect with friends--old and new-- so that you can build relationships with loved ones. Wake up 10 minutes early to reflect, journal, read, or just sit quietly over a warm cup of coffee-- this is one of my favorites! These examples are all what Lupu and Ruiz-Castro (2021) call “private” changes. “Public” changes include talking to your colleagues, mentrors, or family members about the support you need. Both types of changes are important as you take necessary steps to reprioritize. As you start to build routines, you will start to build trust as you see that it is possible to find the balance that you crave.
And if I can leave you with one last piece of advice that was passed on to me during my doctoral work, it would be this. I was deep into my dissertation research and spending countless nights sleep deprived and highly stressed. A mentor shared what at the time was a shocking revelation, “You may love your job, but your job will never love you back. Don’t ever forget that.” I share that with you now so that you too can reflect about the “work” you commit your time, energy, and care to throughout your life. Work can bring individuals great joy. I know that to be a fact. But when it robs you of the very essence of who you are, what you enjoy, who you spend time with, and a future where you can be fulfilled each and every day, then it may be time to rethink your priorities and start to take steps towards finding a better balance.
Photo credit: Major Tom Agency
