Be-Do-Have: Use This Strategy To Move Closer To Your Goals
The “Be-Do-Have” framework is a popular coaching strategy used by various types of coachings. Career coaches, health and wellness coaches, and life coaches use this simple 3 step process to walk individuals through thinking about who they want to be and the steps for how to get there.
In fact, there are books, podcasts, webinars, and conferences dedicated to helping individuals work through this framework within the context of what individuals desire for their life.
When I was looking to improve my wellness, I found this framework to be especially powerful. I had never actually taken the time to sit down and reflect on what I desired for my life, but once I did so, I couldn’t believe what came to mind.
Sure, I daydreamed or had random thoughts about things I wanted to accomplish, places I wanted to see, experiences I wanted to have in life, but I had never once taken the time to sit down to think about who I wanted to be and how to achieve what I desired-- and once I did, it was a game-changer.
“Be”
The “be” is the person you want to become. This can be within any context that you desire. Maybe you have desires and goals related to your specific job or future career, maybe your desires center around your health and fitness, or maybe they relate to your relationships, your emotions, characteristics you want to portray, and/or experiences you want to have.
Regardless, the “be” is what you want for yourself and your future.
In his episode titled “How to Design Your Dream Life,” Ed Mylett explains how individuals can begin to imagine what they want for their life. He starts by discussing the difference between “invention” (creating something that hasn’t existed before) and “re-invention” (changing so much so that it appears to be entirely new). When individuals take time to invent and reinvent themselves, they intentionally take the time to think about what they desire for their life, and then they create change by taking action. Then, one step at a time, individuals' actions move them closer to their desires.
The questions below are from Mylett’s episode. I suggest getting out a notebook, find a quiet place that’s distraction free, and take time to think through these questions. What comes to mind will give you an idea of your “be” of the “Be-Do-Have”:
What do I want my life to look like?
What do I want to feel and experience?
What are memories I want to create for me/others?
What are the relationships I want to have and develop?
What do you want to feel when you first wake up in the morning?
What do you want to give to others?
How do you want to spend your hours on this earth?
Is my dream still my dream? Is it time for a change, or a new dream?
Fill in the blanks: “I used to want _______, but instead I want __________.”
Then, give yourself permission to go after what you want instead!
You can also ask yourself these questions and apply a specific context to this framework. For example, if you have desires related to your job/career, some questions you may ask yourself include:
What do I want my work life to look like?
What do I want to feel and experience when I walk into work, attend meetings, complete work tasks?
What are some memories I want to make while I fulfill my work responsibilities?
What are the relationships I want to develop with my colleagues?
What do I want to feel when I wake up and think about my work day ahead?
What do I want to bring into my workplace (ie. my energy, ideas, passion, attitude, experience-- the list goes on)?
How do I want to spend my time while at work (i.e. completing work tasks, engaging in professional development, etc.)?
Is my dream of this job/role still my dream? If not, is it time for a change, or a new dream?
Likewise, you can apply these questions to what you desire for your health, your marriage, your family, and experiences you want to have with those that you love. Going through the questions with various contexts in mind will help you paint a picture of who you desire to “be.”
“Do”
The next step is the planning part of the “Be-Do-Have.” Look at your answers and then figure out what a person does to have what that person has. The plan you create is your “map,” “blueprint,” “guide”--or whatever you want to call it-- that will help you get to where you want to go.
To create your plan, look back at your answers to the questions you answered above about your desires. Then, start to create a path forward for how to achieve them based on what you need. Think of specific support, knowledge, skills, resources, routines, etc. that will help you as you achieve that desire. You may also want to identify obstacles that may come your way based on what you need to do, and the actions you must take to overcome those obstacles.
For example, taking the questions that apply to your work-life, let’s say that you desire to have solid boundaries between your work hours and your personal life. Something you may need to do is to set solid boundaries around your work hours so that you aren’t doing work in the evenings when you’re around your children or partner. Some obstacles may be that you have a habit of checking your work email on your phone while you’re in the middle of making dinner, having a conversation with a partner, or while you’re helping a child with their homework or watching their sporting event. That obstacle can be overcome by creating the action of leaving your phone in a different room when you get home from work, taking your work email off your phone, or maybe you set time limits on your email app.
For me, this is something I still struggle with-- and I can tell you from experience that old habits easily come back if I’m not intentional with my actions. However, by identifying what I desire, what I need, obstacles, and actions, I can take steps towards what I desire versus getting pulled back into my old behaviors.
Let’s work through another example that I’ve mentioned previously in other Journals. As I transitioned away from teaching at the university level full-time, something that was on my heart was that I wanted to “become a writer.” I had to identify what a writer does and then take action on those things. For example, I needed to write more often, study what writers do and how they do it, and gain confidence in my creative writing abilities.
Thinking about obstacles also helped me figure out actions to either avoid the obstacles or work through them. The obstacles I identified included the other work responsibilities that took me away from my writing time or distracted me from having the creativity to write. I also realized that my mindset and inner dialogue created some resistance in terms of my writing confidence.
I tried different things to overcome those obstacles: I created dedicated time during my weeks to write, I put boundaries in place around my writing time so that I wouldn't be distracted, I adopted growth mindset strategies, and by studying the work of “real writers” I realized that everyone has their own way of “being a writer.” Week after week, I moved me closer to my writing goals. Eventually, I felt like I stepped into “becoming a writer.”
“Have”
Once you have a clear vision for what you desire in your life-- no matter the context-- and then you have a plan to follow, the next step is the action piece. Once you take action, you move closer to that desire than when you started.
Using the previous example of “becoming a writer,” the more I practiced writing and overcoming obstacles that came my way, I moved closer and closer to establishing the identity of being a writer…and I had the writing to show for it!
You can dream and desire all you want, but the action piece is key!
For some people, the hardest part is just starting. That’s why, I encourage you to take smart, small steps that will lead you forward one day at a time.
Be patient with yourself. Figure out what your capacity is at this moment to make some changes in your life based on what you desire. If life feels pretty overwhelming right now, pick one thing that you desire to focus on. Create habits and routines around the actions, and one step at a time, you will get closer to the person you desire to be.
Additional Action Steps for Change
Here are a few more suggestions that you can use as you follow the “Be-Do-Have” framework:
Daily reflection: Take 10-15 minutes at the end of each day to reflect on your "Be-Do-Have" journey. You can journal about anything else that comes up for you in terms of what you want to achieve, the steps you took that day to move you closer to what you desire, and any obstacles you have encountered.
Habit stacking: Habit stacking will help you integrate small habits into your daily routines that align with your desired identity. Take a look at my Journal on habit stacking to learn how to use this strategy.
Find an accountability partner: Find a friend, colleague, family member that can help you stay accountable and on track with your small steps. There are also plenty of online communities on different topics that support individuals and their various goals.
Complete a monthly review: Conduct a monthly review of your progress. This can help you see how far you’ve come. You can adjust your plans, if needed, or add to your desires. Once you start to see small changes in your life, you’ll be encouraged to keep moving forward!
As always, I am here cheering you on. One step at a time, you’ve got this!
Photo credit Peter Olexa