The Importance of Your Community & Finding New Friends
I just got home from a four mile walk and lunch with a girlfriend. And let me tell you, my cup is running over with love and gratitude. Our conversation jumped from talking about our kids, to marriage, to life, to career, to our faith, to thinking back to the challenging times we experienced as young moms, to the changes of mindset we’ve each been working on, and then sharing our hopes for the future.
Let me tell you, when you find someone like this to spend life with, it is a true gift.
This friend was brought into my life at the exact time that I needed her friendship. We were both young moms navigating the challenging and rewarding days of raising elementary-aged children and toddlers…and then years later we had our third babies around the same time. Our playdates, walks around the neighborhood pushing strollers, double dates with our husbands, and meals--with and without our children--are times we can talk about what’s on our hearts, our troubles, and our dreams. And honestly, many of those talks helped me survive the turbulent years of raising a young family and figuring things out by trial and error.
I feel this way about many women who have supported me through life’s ups and downs. Whether they are friends from my childhood, young adulthood, the college years, or my early years of marriage and motherhood, these women cheered me on, listened to my struggles, shared their own life experiences, and offered advice.
And oftentimes, just being there-- on the other end of the phone call for a conversation, playing on the floor with our babies, sitting across the table having coffee, or walking beside me-- is enough to help me not feel so alone as I experience different stages of life.
It’s a reminder that in the many roles we play-- as spouses, parents, siblings, daughters, sons, neighbors, friends, colleagues-- and throughout our different seasons of life, just being there for someone is sometimes all it takes to show them that you care.
Humans have the power to show up for each other in the most incredible of ways. When sincerity is met with non-judgement and warmness--especially in some of the most trying of times-- there is a strong bond that develops beyond friendship. It is a life-thread that will always remain.
Some of these friends have come and gone in my life, some are still very much part of my life, and others have arrived into my life in the most beautiful of ways.
When I moved away from all I knew as a young woman to marry the love of my life, I had no idea the friendships that awaited me. When one leaves all they know-- for a job, a marriage, a new opportunity-- we often think of what we will be leaving behind. But when we enter new environments, new friends await. We just have to be open to finding them.
And in the midst of busy schedules, careers, and raising a family, sometimes we forget to sustain our friendships, or we don’t realize how impactful new friendships can be for our stage of life. For thousands of years, humans have survived and thrived by living in community with others. Having supportive friendships throughout our lives can help us not only survive difficult times but allow us to thrive as well.
Below are twelve tips you can use when establishing and fostering friendships. Because at any age and stage in life, there are opportunities to find a new friend. Those friendships may be exactly what you need for where you are in your life, and you may be exactly who they need for their life:
Be Open and Approachable: Sometimes, finding your tribe starts with being open to new experiences and people. Smile, engage in conversations, and be approachable to create opportunities for new friendships. Look people in the eye, ask them how they are doing, and be willing to engage in conversation.
Join Communities and Groups: Whether online or offline, joining communities or groups based on your interests, hobbies, or values can help you connect with like-minded individuals who could become your tribe members. When I moved to a rural community after my marriage, I joined local church groups and found an alumni association for my college sorority.
Attend Events and Workshops: Attend local events, workshops, or seminars related to your interests or career. These gatherings often bring together people with similar passions, making it easier to find potential friends.
Volunteer: Volunteering for causes you care about not only gives back to the community but also introduces you to people who share your values and dedication to making a difference.
Stay Authentic: Be yourself and stay true to your values. Authenticity attracts genuine connections and helps you find friends who appreciate you for who you are.
Use Social Media Wisely: Social media platforms can be great tools for finding and connecting with people who share your interests. Join relevant groups, participate in discussions, and use social media as a way to initiate friendships.
Initiate Conversations: Take the initiative to start conversations with people you meet. Ask open-ended questions, show genuine interest in their lives, and be a good listener to establish meaningful connections. When I was a young mom, I took every opportunity to meet other parents at the local park or museums.
Be Patient and Persistent: Building meaningful friendships takes time and effort. Be patient, keep putting yourself out there, and don't be discouraged by initial rejections or setbacks.
Nurture Existing Friendships: Don't forget to nurture and cherish the friendships you already have. Investing time and effort in maintaining existing relationships can strengthen your sense of belonging and support network. Whether or not you live in the same area, stay in touch with friends throughout your different stages in life. And don’t be afraid to bless old friendships and let them go if you feel the need to do so.
Be Open to Different Ages and Backgrounds: Your friends don't have to be exactly like you. Embrace diversity and be open to forming connections with people of different ages, backgrounds, and experiences. Connection and wisdom can be shared across generations and life experiences.
Show Vulnerability: Don't be afraid to show your vulnerable side to trusted individuals. Opening up about your struggles and challenges can deepen connections and foster empathy within your tribe.
Be a Good Friend: Lastly, be the kind of friend you want to have. Show up for others, listen, offer support and encouragement when needed, and be a positive presence in their lives. Good friendships are built on mutual respect, trust, and kindness. Remember, sometimes all it takes is to be there for someone. If you find yourself thinking about them, send them a text to let them know. It may be the message they need that day.
My hope for you is that you recognize the friendships-- past and present-- that fill your cup. Let your friends know you care, share life with them, and develop a bond that will sustain you throughout your life.
This is your reminder to send that text, make the phone call, schedule the coffee date, walk up to that new person you see at the park or activity and introduce yourself. You never know the friendships that may await.
Christopher McCandless, the young man who left his home to live alone in Alaska, realized in his final moments of life, “Happiness is only real, when shared.” Reading about his story in the nonfiction book Into the Wild helped me realize how very important relationships are to individuals, and as a newlywed I realized that I needed to take action if I was to find new friends in my new home.
To my friends reading this: this is a tribute to all of you-- to the women we were, to the women we are all becoming. Thank you for your gift of friendship.
Photo Credit Annie Williams
